At the Movies!

Thor

Well, it's already out, so I guess I could just go see it.

The -'s:

-I fear a slow discovery of the fact that Loki is evil, which will be annoying.

-The politics of Asgard are about as interesting to me as the politics of Hogwart's.

-I never thought I would say it, but I'm a little Natalie Portman'ed out.


The +'s

+This trailer actually made me MORE excited to see the movie rather than less (see below).

+Giant robot shooting fire means there will be at least ONE fight in the movie, which puts it above Iron Man 2.

+What can I say, Gentlemen prefer blonds.



Green Lantern

The -'s:

-I preferred Ryan Reynolds when I knew him only as the funny guy from 2 Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place. It's unfair, but true.

-In a movie where there would be limitless opportunities to utilize CG, why create a human body out of pixels? Unless we're going to see the outline of a dong, count me out.

-Whenever a movie seems like it might involve being in space for no real reason, I start to get nauseous.


The +'s:

+I'm pretty sure there was a Kilowog of sorts in the preview.

+Perhaps we'll get some nice Kilowog-shaped pink bubble gum in the stores.

+Um...third Kilowog-related thing.



Captain America

The -'s:

-Why would you superimpose the head of a mid-range actor on a smaller body? Couldn't we just hire a regular guy and then assume that as he grew 2 feet and put on 50 lbs of muscle that his face changed as well?

-How many scenes of puny Steve Rogers demonstrating his puniness in several different ways are we going to have to see before he just gets in the damn Captain America machine already?

-Hoping that he will punch Hitler in the face is probably setting myself up for disappointment.


The +'s:

+Hugo Weaving is back from a brief stint pretending to be good and is once again evil as fuck!

+They may see a spike in ticket sales based on deeply confused elderly who don't really understand what they are seeing and leave the theater disturbed that this is the first time they are finding out about this Crimson Skeleton fellow.

+It will give me a good reason to re-watch Band of Brothers after I hate this one.



X-Men: First Class

The -'s:

-Cold War = Least exciting war. Nobody cares about what the temperature was if there was actual fighting with flips and shit.

-Professor X with hair seems like a cheap ploy to not shave James Mcavoy's head.

-Screenplay written by the folks who brought us the Sarah Conner Chronicles, Andromeda, and Agent Cody Banks.


The +'s:

+Period piece means they have the green light for really stupid outfits.

...wait a minute, no Wolverine? Fuck yourselves with your shit movie!


Dark Knight Rises

The -'s

-There is a point where we get too much Batman. Previously, it was about 4 minutes into Batman Forever and lasted for years following Batman & Robin.

-There is a point of diminishing returns on villains. Usually that point is right about the time we use up the Joker.

-Let's look at other 3rds: Spider-Man 3 (terrible) X-Men 3 (worse?) Batman Forever (nipples).


+'s

+The other ones were good, so why not this one?

+Returning cast and director is usually a good sign.

+Because he's dead we won't have to live through another Halloween where every goddamn person dresses like the Joker.